April 2010

Dad has expressed loneliness often this month. Between being out of town helping with a new grandchild, and my health issues of late, I haven't been a very good daughter. Last time Den and I visited him (April 7) , he was very confused! He said he got lost that day, but he couldn't tell us if he was outside or inside. He also kept insisting he got lost before he even left his room!? He reported a gentleman that works there helped him find his way back to his room. I've talked to him by phone since then, and it seems to be an isolated incident, for now. The issue of "time" is still confusing him also. I did his laundry before I left. He enjoys receiving the weekly letters from the Peters' grand kids! Letters and/or phone calls would be greatly received!

March 2010

Our posts are getting fewer and far between. But there hasn't been much to report. Dad has been pleasant and relatively coherent this past month. I see a small decline in his memory. He continues to only want his outings to include the grocery store for milk and bread, hair cuts and an occasionally to dine out. He did ask me to take him to the Cemetery for Mom's birthday, which I did. He seems to be making more friends at Olympus Ranch. He is a little obsessed about time lately. He keeps telling us his watch, clocks etc. are broken. I purchased a new clock for his room with larger numbers and I know Sheryl took him to buy a new watch.

The week of February 22-28, 2010

Dad was very happy this week, even tender at times. He remembered, with clarity the week prior to Mom's passing. He remembered her hugging him and telling him how much she loved him. He had his moment of detachment from reality and I think he had a little bout with the Stomach flu on Sunday, but generally doing pretty well. I washed quite a bit of his clothes, so he is set for a while.

question

Is this the only borther Dad had left on the earth? Is this the brother who came to Gary's funeral and went to fishing with Dad often? Sad... I wish Dad would like to go to his funeral...

Uncle Richard

I'm not sure if you all heard that Dad's brother Richard passed away last Friday. Apparently it was sudden. He had a lung infection of some sort. I asked Dad if he wanted to go to the funeral. He said no. LaVon and Joleen called him to see if they could take him to the funeral in Arkansas and he declined. Sad.

February visits!

Just a brief update--Todd, Sheryl, Den and myself, as couples are taking turns caring for dad on a weekly basis. This is our week. The second week of February, Dad was generally in happy spirits when Den or I were with him. He was asking about his money again. We did the usual visits complete with trips to the grocery store, hair appointments and out to lunch etc. I'm concerned about his hygiene and his eating habits. Also, his back was bothering him.
It's the beginning of the fourth week of February, and Dad was very happy today. We spent half the day together doing his errands and mine. As long as I am holding his hand or he is pushing the shopping cart he is on sure footings. He said his TV is going out and he wants the one that was in his bedroom, which we took over there once and it didn't fit on his dresser, so we took to DI. Dennis plans on buying him a new TV when the old one goes out. I took his laundry home to do, but there were no underwear in the pile of shirts and jeans. He is a little discouraged that he doesn't receive much mail in his mailbox. So, maybe we could drop him a line now and then. His back is feeling better today. He said he thought he remembered the girl in the photo with him. He said, I think it's a girl in my ward because she looks so familiar!

Feb 20, 210

I was trying to visit Dad today. When I called him to trying find out what's the good time for him to visit , he asked me a couple of times what the purpose of my visit. I said, well, I did not see you for a while and want to see how are you doing. We can go shoping if you want, or you need anything i could bring over to you... He said he did not need anything, did not want to shopping, and he is busy today that he has not time for visitors. I said OK then.

We have posted a copy of Harold's "living will" on the inside of his kitchen cabinets in response to a request by the management at Olympus Ranch to have something in the apartment in case of an emergency.

Monday, January 25, 2010

I visited with Dad during lunch. I brought him a Wendy's hamburger and frosty. I had a nice chat with him. I followed up with the haircut facility at where he's staying (NOW who has dimensia) and their hours are Thursday and Friday; 1-5 PM only or by appt. I wrote that on the piece of paper Kathy placed on the refrigerator so that Dad knows when he can get a haircut.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Den and I visited Dad this evening. He was in pretty good spirits--said he had a feeling we would come see him today. We brought him some mail and his Ensign. I cleaned up some vomit that was on the counter. He said he was sick yesterday with an upset stomach, but that he felt better today. We visited about mom( and his other two wives!??) his mission experiences, visiting with Mike this week, his need for more food and the fact that he didn't attend church today because he didn't have a way to get there. We told him it was upstairs. He had plenty of food in his cupboard, but I told him we would go to the grocery store tomorrow. His food and med needs are : bread, milk, cereal and Milk of Magnesia. (I think you all know that!)

Phone call Jan 21, 2010

I talked to Dad for a while yesterday. He sounds like Ok and polite. I told him about Gary's death certificate as well. Probobly because i am the "in-law" so he could "behive himself " better.

Barnes Bank was taken over by the FDIC Tuesday so we moved the contents of Harold's safe depoit box to Frontier Bank in Midvale.

Week of January 11-17, 2010

Rough week! Dad was in a bad mood most of the time I was with him. Monday when I was there,I brought him the rest of the stuff from his Condo and I told him I needed to make a deposit in his account because we closed on his Condo. He gave me his whole checkbook instead of just a deposit slip. The next day he called and said someone had stolen his checkbook. I told him, I had it and would be bringing it back today along with a three ring binder and paper that he asked me to buy. Wednesday, when we visited, my daughters witnessed him yelling at me because he said I wrote a whole bunch of checks from his check book. I told him, I didn't write any! Just made a deposit! I told him that was Sheryl's handwriting and that she had been diligently keeping his checkbook since Mom died. He continued to complain and said he was moving because his Olympus Ranch was too expensive!! Pleasant! Dennis went to his place the next day and showed him step by step how he is actually saving money living there. He calmed down. He told Dennis he needed me to buy him some bread because Dennis threw his bread away due to the fact that it was moldy. I couldn't get to it that day. The next morning he called me about 7:30am and yelled at me again. He said "What's a man suppose to do when he is starving to death, and he doesn't have a car to go to the store!!?" I said, "You should go to the Dining Room, if you're not too lazy and feed yourself. They feed you three meals a day and snacks 24/7. " He continued to yell and I finally hung up on him. A few hours later, I took him his bread and he apologized. He asked what could he do to help me because he knows I am so busy. I said, "You can help me by not complaining and showing a little bit of gratitude." "We are all doing the best we can." I called him Sunday morning and reminded him to go to church. He had forgotten again. Things of concern: he is not showering very often or wearing clean clothes. I tried to tell him to wear clean garments everyday. He has plenty. He said, he's too lazy to change garments. Since before Christmas, he only had two pair of garments in the laundry basket. I spoke with him about personal hygiene a little. I'm certain it fell on deaf ears. He still can't recognize Mom in her photos.

Monday, January 18 2010

Sheryl and I will visit Dad today at 5PM. Dad called me this morning needing these items:

1. New plug for the bathroom sink in the bathroom because it leaks
2. Needs Milk of Magnesia (big size), milk, and bread from Walmart

Dad was a little put out when I told him that I would get these items for him after work. He wants them now. He's getting as little grouchy with stuff I guess. He told me that he no longer wants to lead the singing in church; doesn't want to mess with that kinda stuff. Oh well. More later.

Today when I went to visit Harold, he was having lunch with three women and talking up a storm! He was in really good spirits! He gave me the key to his room (the room was unlocked) and I did the dishes and cleaned up while he finished eating. When he got back to the room he wanted to tell me that he wanted to move because it cost too much to live there. He had seen the entries in the checkbook and was not happy. I explained to him that he no longer paid utilities, condo fees, car expenses, gas, car or home insurance, his food budget was way down and he would be receiving almost $1,000.00 per month from the sale of his condo. I am not sure he is convinced but at least he stopped pressing the issue. Maybe we should take the checkbook register out of his checkbook and put a blank one back in!!?? He had done his own wash earlier that morning. He complained about his lack of continence with his urination but did not want to see his Urologist. He said he doesn't ever help him.

Week of January 3,2009 to January 9, 2009

We've decided to try something new with Dad. There's a little bit of "burn out" happening and we need to pace ourselves for the long term. We've decided to go to a "week program." Kathryn and Dennis will take one week, Todd and I will take the next, and so on and so on... We are also hoping that fewer visits will encourage Dad to start socializing more with the other residences. Of course this might not happen but we can hope!

This was our week. Todd and I visited on Monday. Dad had called and said there was something important he needed to talk to us about. He wanted our confirmation that the woman in the swimsuit picture in his bedroom was Joan. He simply can't recognize her in that picture. Other pictures in the room he had no problem with. Todd assured him that was Joan. Dad was hungry for a hamburger so we went to Wendy's for dinner. When we came back I washed his dishes and balanced the checkbook. Todd & Harold started watching the football game.

We called every day during the week. Wednesday he said he needed more Excedrin from CostCo. As luck would have it I was headed there that evening so I asked if I could just pick it up and bring it to him later. He said sure. We decided to visit again on Friday. Dad need more milk and some cash ($150.00). Again I asked if I could just bring it since we wouldn't get there until after 5:00p.m. He was ok with that. I meet Todd there and we visited for just a few minutes. Todd is still trying to get rid of the cold he got the week of Christmas and he was exhausted. Dad kicked us out after a few minutes and told Todd to go home and get some sleep.

Dad seemed pretty with it this week - at least during our talks and visits except for his short term memory. He keeps telling Todd that we (Todd & I) don't return his calls and that Todd doesn't visit that often.

It is now official - Dad's Condo is sold and closed! Also, Kathryn and Sheryl found two insurance policies for a pre-arranged funeral plan when they were going through all the files. It appears Joan paid for these policies in April 2007 when we were getting their plans in order and also because Harold has never mentioned them. We will now proceed to collect the benefit on Joan's policy.

Saturday, January 2, 2009

Den sold Dad's condo to a newly divorced young woman. She was happy to buy it!! But she wanted to move in right away, so Todd, Sheryl, Den and I, once again, moved all Dad's stuff out of the garage. It was much more involved than any of us thought. We had to go through three filing cabinets, which we no longer properly labeled. A myriad of journals and photo albums. Hundreds of videos, tools, kitchen stuff etc. For all the family members, look forward to receiving some photos and a few scrapbook items that mom saved. Do with them what you will. I am going through all the albums and dissecting them into families. I'll contact you or send them on.

Dad is in and out of lucidity. Complains most of the time.

1st Jan, 2010

1st Jan, 2010
We pick up Dad for BBQ today at our home. He acted very normal and remember all the names i showed him on remembergary.org. "This is my wife! this is Joan! She doesn't have to die..." He eat a lot of lamb and dumplings. He likes them. Right after the last swallow of the food he told me he is ready to go home.He still wants a car. I said you don't need a car. He goes yes, i do. yes, i do.He said he doesn't like what he is living right now because there are a lot repairing works need to be done.We asked him about church, and he could answer all the questions correctely.He looks and soulds pretty good today.

Visits to Dad- Dec. 24-30

Dad is pleasant most of the time, but he continues to ask bizarre questions. Like did my wife die? I don't remember that? How did I get here? (his new place) Are the photos on the wall my wife? He spent Christmas Eve with us all day. He was pretty exhausted when we took him home. On Sunday we visited him and he forgot to go to Church again. He said he didn't know where it was and that they changed the time. I took him up one floor and showed him where the chapel was again. Then we spoke to MaryAnne, the owner and she assured Dad that the meetings were always at 10:30am unless there is Stake Conference. I picked Dad up on Monday morning because he was out of milk. He bought a few other food items. He threatened to buy a car again. He had tithing settlement at 10am. (I told him NOT to pay anything, because he overpaid by 200 percent last year!)Tuesday night he was going to be picked up by his friends from Bountiful for Christmas party. I hope he went. He said he loves visits and gets so lonely. I told him all he has to do is step outside his door and he has lots and lots of friends. I've been taking his laundry home to do it, but I think today I am going to teach him how to do it. Sheryl and I believe it's best to start weaning Dad off of us a little bit, so maybe he will reach out to others.

Saturday 19 Dec, 2009

Ashling, my parents and me visited Dad this afternoon. He looks like very happy. He said he misses Gary as much as I do. I said "he is the best boy". He goes "No, no. I have 3 boys and 1 daughter. They all good." I said "That's right. But he is my best boy". I told him that Mike is in town today. He has not stomach any more. He said he wants only one meal a day. The fruit we brought to him 2 weeks ago still in the refrigerate. We took most of them away. We left a little bit new fruit for him.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Telisa flew into town today, so her, Bodie, Tiffany and Rylee paid a visit to Dad. They found him happy and excited to see them. His spirits were good today.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Took Dad to get his watch fixed today and then we went to lunch at Five Guys. He purchased a few things at WalMart- Phillips, new belt and stomach meds. He said he was feeling good today. He keeps asking me if the pictures of the woman in his apartment are his wife. I assure him, they are.

After one week on the market we have had one call and no showings of Harold's Condo. Not surprising this close to Christmas! The Condo is all clean and will show really well. The other unit for sale in Courtyard lowered their price $10,000 to $164,900! This is a short sale so I don't think we need to get in a price war with them. We can be patient.
I visited Harold yesterday for a few minutes. He wanted cash and some milk!

Dad's Visits

I've been visiting Dad daily. Most of the time, he is pretty amiable. He has complained about not getting enough food to eat, but in the same breath he says he doesn't want to eat very much. He says his stomach is feeling better. I have been bringing projects for us to work on, which he says is fun.
Today, Monday, the 14th, I went to Dad's place about 2pm today. He asked me what I was doing there. He said he was expecting company. Lisa, the girl from Edward Jones came and they discussed his stocks. He didn't really want me there to hear their discussion, so I left. I took his laundry and told him Tara would be coming at about 5:30 to cut his hair. I also gave him the number of the barber shop in his building that could cut his hair for only $10.00. He apologized for his rudeness that night before.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Todd & I went to visit Dad after work today. I asked if he wanted to have a little FHE and read an Ensign article. He wanted to tell Todd & I about an article he'd read - the First Presidency Message. He told us about all the bad things that happened in 1918 - President Joseph F. Smith dying, his wife dying soon after, WWI, and the flu epidemic. Todd got hold of the Ensign after and this was not the First Presidency Message. He searched the first half of the Ensign and couldn't find this article. We really started to wonder until we got home and I found the article at the end of the magazine. He had some of the details wrong (it was President Smith's son and daughter-in-law that passed away) but he was pretty close on most of it. We felt a LOT better after that.

Todd took Harold's form for his church membership records to be switched to this new branch to the office. The man that helped him is the Sunday School teacher for the branch. He said he'd get it to the right people.

Harold stressed that he really doesn't want a visit every day, but he does want a phone call. I've tried to call most days (I think I've made 10 and missed 4). I have his phone number listed by my phone at work to help me remember. Todd told him he'd try and call daily too.

Todd & I were just getting ready to leave when Tara and her girls came - time for Harold's hair cut. It seems like he wants it cut about every 2 weeks. I think we should have him use the hair stylist that visits the retirement home at least part of the time. I'm guessing every two weeks might be hard for Tara to manage with her busy schedule.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Sorry Todd & I have been so bad updating the blog lately.

Todd stopped by at lunch on Friday, December 4th to visit.

Todd & I visited Monday. We went down to dinner with him. The cost is $8.00 per person for dinner. You can pay then or they will add it to Harold's monthly bill. Harold wasn't very hungry because he'd eaten breakfast and lunch. He insisted three meals a day is just too many. He did manange to eat almost all his food. I balanced his checkbook for him.

Visiting Dad

I have been visiting Dad everyday. I don't have a minute to go into details. He's happy when I'm there. I take him on errands. He does complain of stomach pain occasionally. He seems to know a lot of people, but makes no effort to participate in any of the activities. He says he rather be lonely. He is forgetting whole days it appears. I put a guest book in his apartment, so please sign in when you come so he knows who comes to visit him each day.

All the repairs will be done by tomorrow. The signs are up to sell Harold's Condo. Now all we need is a qualified buyer!

I went to have Harold sign the listing documents and he is complaining of stomach pains now for the last three days. He says he doesn't want to see a doctor! I was there right after lunch so I asked him what he ate for lunch. He said hamburger. They served chicken! So I don't know if he went to lunch or just forgot what he ate. Based on his previous blood test, he might have a bleeding ulcer again. He really needs to have an endoscopy.

Today, new carpet was installed in Dad's Condo. Gail also cleaned the bathrooms, kitchen and hall cabinets. I got all the kitchen items in boxes. There are few more things that need to be done before we can put it on the market such as new vinyl in the laundry room (the water heater has been leaking and the vinyl has mold under it - this will be done Thursday), the disposal leaks and needs to be replaced and some walls need to be patched and painted ( I can do most of this). The other unit for sale in the project that was under contract had their sale fail (Bummer - it would be nice to be the only unit for sale!) From the handful of units that have sold in his development this year it appears to be worth somewhere in the low to mid $160,000's. He paid $184,785 in November 2007! I would like to put it on the market for $169,000 and go from there. Any comments?

4 Dec 2009 Visit Dad

Ashling, me and my parents visited Dad this afternoon. He does looks well. He is friendly and asking Ashling the questions about BYU. He said he felt better. He keep forget the meal time...
He showed me all the pictures in his apartment. I saw little frame on the top of kitchen cabinet. I could not see who are they. He told me "it is my family, this is my wife, this is...the boy died, i can't remember his name (I told him his name is Gary)".
I brought some fruits for him. He likes them. I told him we will pick him up sometime during the Christmas time for BBQ.
Yes, he looks happier. Thanks for all your guys taking care of a lot of things of him.

Last Week- Nov 30-Dec 4 2009

We are coming upon the end of the first week of Dad's new home! He seems to have adjusted pretty well. He has been friendly to the other inhabitants and seems to already have made some friends. Den and I visited him everyday until we left for St. George on Friday. I know Treavor, Sara and Owen visited him on Friday. I believe Lena and Ashling visited him on Saturday. I think Tristen and Tara were going to stop by while I was gone, as well. Thursday, I took him to my home while I decorated my Christmas tree. He watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and balled all the way through it. (my favorite movie too!) He had lunch at my house. We shopped at Target for a few things, Milk of Magnesia, even though he has tons already. Then he was ready for me to take him home.
For everyone's information, Sheryl and I organized all his meds into labeled bins in his front closet so he knows what he has.
I think he was a little nervous about me going to St. George. He kept asking me over and over again, when I would be returning from St. George.

Called Dad

Just called Dad to test the new number (1 801 281-6120). He didn't answer. I assume he is getting breakfast. I will try back.

We tested the Rescue Alert system yesterday and it works. Harold wants to get rid of it since he has the pull chains in his room but we convinced him that he should use it the rest of this month since it is already paid for. Hopefully we can get him to use it next year also. We also are encouraging him to use the elevator to go down stairs.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I moved everything out of the two bedrooms and bathrooms to the garage. I packed the canned goods into boxes to donate to the Food Bank. I took Harold three folding chairs, toilet paper and a few other items that where left at his house. I also found his phone charger and plugged it into his cell phone on the kitchen counter. He forgot that Kathryn posted the meal times on the inside of the kitchen cabinet! We still need to pack up the kitchen, pantry and laundry room. When Mike comes for Christmas we can meet at his Condo and decide what to do with all his personal items. As we all know, he doesn't want to give up any of it! Today, I called First Alert and changed the phone number and put Olympus Ranch as first contact since they are right there and could respond faster than any of us. One of us needs to test the system on our next visit to make sure it is working. Carpeting will go in Monday. We may also need to replace the vinyl in the laundry room. That black spot looks like mildew under the vinyl from a leak in the washer. We don't want to have to explain that to a potential buyer! Gail has agreed to go Monday and clean the bathrooms, walls and kitchen.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 Part II

I didn't make it to see Dad during my lunch break. (With my new job, I'm only about 10 minutes away); but, I did call Dad and his new phone is set up. He had just had dinner and came back from seeing Mr. Krueger's Christmas. He visited with three ladies. Go Dad Go!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I called Olympus Cove this morning and talked to Dottie (the office number is 801-261-3889 if anyone needs it - fax is 801-261-9540). She said Harold was late for breakfast (it's at 8:00 a.m. not 8:30 a.m.) He said he was in trouble because he was late. She assured him it was ok, they expect the new residents to be late. When Todd & I talked to the staff yesterday they said to be 5 minutes early to the meal. This makes sure the serving staff can serve them and not the directors.

Dottie asked if he had his new move in packet and he said no. She had him go to her office after breakfast. There are some items we'll need to help him with. There's also a list of meals times, etc he can tape to the cabinet, door, etc. The zip code is 84121.

Harold told Dottie everyone left yesterday and went to St. George (I wish!). We were all there scurrying around setting things up and then everyone just disappeared. He should be surprised by your visit today Kathryn!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Todd, Sheryl, Dennis, Tara, Trinity, Grace, Jovie and myself moved Dad yesterday to a new Retirement Home called Olympus Ranch. Dad had cold feet the week prior to the move, but we spoke to him on Sunday at our Thanksgiving feast and rerouted his thinking. We worked hard all day to pack, move, unpack and get him all settled in his new place. His biggest request was he needs to have at least one phone call a day, preferably in the morning, to make sure he is still alive. So, starting this afternoon his new phone number will be 801-281-6120. Also, his cell phone does work, we checked it out. His address is: 971 East 5600 South #204 Murray, Utah 84123
My hope is he will make lots of good friends, eat healthier and find some peace in his life. I plan to visit him again today. I think during these first few months, we should visit him more often until he feels completely comfortable there. Meals are at 8:30 am, 12:30 pm, 5:30 pm and snacks all day long. If we visit during those times, we can eat with him for free.

I will still try

I took my dad to emergency of Intermountain hospital Monday evening and foud out he had a stroke. I am still in the hospital since I am the one could help the communicate between my dad and Doctors/nurses. I don't know how long he has to stay... doctor said he is not stable enough yet...

I will still try to help dad Stout moving if Monday we could be discharged from the hospital......

I am trying to understand what the plan this was for me and why my life has to be changed like this since 12 Oct 2009, and what else bad things gonna happen in the future....

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Dennis called the movers and they will be at Dad's condo at 10 am. Den and I are planning on getting there at 8 am to get things packed. Sterlings flooring have measured the condo for new carpet. They will give us a bid next week. We understand from Todd, Dad was having a little bit of cold feet, but Todd assured him it will be the best thing for him.

I will be there next Monday to help moving

Hopeful dad will find the joy there....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dad, Todd, Sheryl, Dennis and myself all met today at 11:30 am at the Olympus Ranch, an Assisted Living facility in Murray (5600 South 900 East) that we thought Dad would love. Which, thank goodness, he did! He was pretty excited and he picked out the floor plan that he wants. He will be in apartment number 204. He was fine with the price and thoroughly thrilled about the accommodations, the food, (they fed us all lunch) the library, movie room, game room, exercise room, barber shop, the fact that they were playing John Denver music over the speakers and that church is only an hour and a half. He wants to move in ASAP, so we convinced him to wait until after Thanksgiving. The official move date will be Monday, November 30th! (Anybody that can help, would be greatly appreciated!) Den and I will call the movers and get going on replacing the carpet in his Condo so we can put it up for sale. Dennis found out today, Sat, Nov. 21, that there is only one other Condo for sale in his complex and it is already under contract. His new place is just a one bedroom, one bathroom small living room and kitchenette. He will be served three meals a day and snacks in between if he chooses. They offer a variety of daily activities, weekly outings to the grocery store, doctors apts., field trips etc. Time will tell if he is interested in any of those things. Everyone seemed very friendly, which was good for Dad.

Friday, November 14, 2009

Todd, Sheryl and I went scouting for Assisted Living Facilities for Dad. We narrowed our search down to areas between Sandy and North Salt Lake for obvious reasons. We learned much and we feel pretty confidant we found the one that will serve Dad best. We are still checking on a few other options. I called Dad and told him all about it and he was ready to pack his bags. The big question now is: should we move him in before and after we sell his condo? Sheryl and I are taking him on a tour of the place on Thursday. They have three floor plans for him to choose from. I don't have time to go into details now. Next post! Gotta run!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Dad was in a very amiable mood today! He even, wait for it, sang Christmas Carols in the car with me and said he felt the Christmas Spirit! He changed it up a bit and had sausage AND egg mcmuffins today. We shopped a bit at Walmart and then headed over to Costco. (It was a little sad for me at Costco because last time Dad and I were there, we ran into Gary.) Dad purchased a warm fleece jacket hoodie for himself. He was pretty excited about that!
He told me the cleaning lady, Gail had called and he told her not to come today, but I convinced him he needed his placed cleaned and disinfected because there is so much swine flu going around. I told him Todd, Sheryl and I were going on Friday to check out some Assisted Living places and he was excited about that. I assured him we would stay within his budget, but I wanted him to be someplace nice, that was referred to me by someone who has had personal experience with the facility.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Guess where I took Dad today everyone????? (O.K. sorry--gotta work on that sense of humor thing.)

On the way there, (you know where) I inquired about Assisted Living. Dad said, I've changed my mind about that. I was watching on TV where they said Assisted Living is up to $2500 per month. I can't afford that. I told Dad that Kathy and I were going to look at his particular budget, his needs, his situtation and recommend an option that meets his criteria; NOT general stats from the television.

He said o.k.

We got talking about us taking him around and he said, why don't I just buy a car and alleviate some of those concerns. I said, well Dad, there is some concern with you getting lost. He said "I NEVER GET LOST." I said, in a subdued, calm voice, "Dad, do you remember where I live" (we were driving westbound on Parrish Lane--Centerville at the time). He said, YES. Just take Redwood Road over there (pointing west) right on down to your house.

"I've driven it many times."

O.K. Dad. I'm not trying to be a smart a**, but let's just do an experiment. Why don't you tell me how to drive to my house from here. Give me specific instructions and I will drive according to your directions. Take me to my house.

To make a long story short, we took Legacy Highway (no Redwood Rd there; but, so far so good) southbound towards the I-215 interchange all the way to 3500 South before Dad said, uh, turn around we've gone too far. He told me to head east off 3500 South back to Redwood Road. Then we turned north on Redwood Road at 3500 South and passed 2100 South. He said, o.k., we're getting close. He kept looking for Independence (~1480 North) between California Ave (~1300 South) and Indiana Ave (~900 South)

After turning around about 4 times because we kept missing Independence somewhere hidden between 900 South and 1300 South.....well, you get the picture.

I informed Dad that he was about 10 miles off where he has driven to my house dozens of times. I don't know if I got my point across; but there was no contention about it.

We then went to the cemetery (once I got back on I-215 heading northbound, Dad was able to navigate me there), we went and paid our respects to Gary and Mom.

I then took Dad home.

I went to Harold's a little early today because I needed to be home by 9 AM. I went because I will be gone next week. I talked to him a little bit about Gary and Lena. He knows he made Lena feel bad but doesn't quite get how and why. I tried to tell him that Gary meant everything to Lena and that she misses him terribly. Because of his condition, I don't know if he will remember our conversation but hopefully it hit home. We went to McDonald's and he got 3 sausage mcmuffins instead of two because he doesn't get Meals on Wheels today. We asked him if he wanted to go to Evelyn Barlow's 85th Birthday Party but he declined. He also said he would not be coming to St. George with us in a couple of weeks because his back is bothering him. He did say the High Priest leadership came to see him and will pick him up and take him home each Sunday. That is really good news with winter coming. He also mentioned moving to an Assisted Living Center soon. We better strike while the iron is hot!! Also, Sheryl, I paid his property taxes and left it with a couple of other bills on his desk.

Thanks for understanging.....

Dear family:

I appreciate for your understanding. I was trying to help....
While Gary gave Dad a last ride to church, when he came back home he said he was very dizzy to drive but he still did anyway--he was trying so hard to taking care of dad... So even he is gone I feels like still should do something to dad FOR GARY.

It was the 2nd very bad experience with Dad recently since Gary passed away (1st time was he gave Gary a dress at Larkin). It is hard for me to bear the way he treated my husband so disrespectable. To be honest, that was the way Gary always felt about his Dad who made Gary think he is not good enough to make his dad proud of....

That's why when I know Dad even did not bothered to come by to see Gary at greve site after visit Mom, i want to know how much his son Gary realy means to Harold, that's why I asked how about $10.00 for your son's funeral? Did your son worth $10.00 to you?

When I heard "I don't have any money" I was totally heart broken... I want to tell him, at least, we still pay your cellphone bill every month... I didn't say anything....I was trying to "behive myself" to give Harold the maxium respect I could.

In my eyes Gary was a perfect man! He was too good to be true in my life!.. and I am still feel unbearable of lossing him......

Kathy is right, I may need a little bit longer break, I am assuming... I do understand Dad's illness right now... I shouldn't take his words too serious ... I also know myself even not in the normal emotional status yet.... I lost every thing, couldn't find a lot of thing.... Gary took my mind away with hime...

I am going to grave site every day to see Gary and Mom... I want Mom taking good care of my husband for me, there, ... I put the new flowers for both of them...

Oh, one more thing, I got new position of work-- I am still work at Family history department and do waypoints instead of catelog, and got a new supervisor..which is great!

Sorry I wrote to long.... thanks for giving me longer break... I would still like to take the my&Gary's respocibility of caring of dad... I just need to be more normal first, i think...

Love you and appriciate for all your love and support.

Nov 4th, 2009

I called Dad last night to telling him I will be the one taking care of him tomorrow.
I asked him if he wants to go cemetery tomorrow so we could go different McDonald. He said "No, i done enough time there, I don't want go".
I asked what is the best time to pick you up. He said "9 o'clock ". I said it would be too late for me to go to work after we are done. Then he said Ok, 7:30am.

I wake up this morning by Dad's phone call at 6:20AM ---"I am ready for breakfast!" I told him I did not go to sleep utill 2 AM this morning. He said "So do I! I called Todd at 2:00... "you know the rest of story.

I pick him up at 7:00 am.
When I was parking the car, he bought the food By & For himself.

On the way back to his condo,
I asked him how long ago did he go to cemetery? He said a week ago, with Todd.
I asked him did you see Gary? He said NO. He went there just to see his wife.
(IT HURTS ME SO MUCH!!......)
I asked him "Do you want donate $10 for your son's funeral", he said "I don't have any money!"

After I drop off him, I went to cemetery, crying for my husband......

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It seems like I spent most of the day with Dad. I took him to McDonalds for breakfast in the morning and then went to get him a haircut. However, he got lost trying to direct me to the barber. However, considering the configuration of the strip mall in conjunction with all the other large stores in the area, it's kind of a maze anyway.

After I dropped Dad off, I returned at 2:40 P.M. to take Dad to Dr. Henderson, his urologist at Lakeview Hospital. Dad and I waited until 4:00 P.M. before Dad was called in. This was a follow up appt. appt. to assess the meds Dad was prescribed with a diagnosis where Dad isn't emptying his bladder when going to the bathroom. At about 4:30 P.M. Dad walked out of the treatment area and said he was ready to go.

As we left, Dad confided in me that the doctor requested a urine sample and then left him hanging in the "secondary waiting room" too long before he lost patience and then left. So, Dad never saw the doctor. (He did provide the urine sample, however.) After Dad told me that, I went back to let the receptionist know that Dad left early (because they had no clue) and Dad didn't actually see the urologist after all. I gave them my number and told them to call me with concerns and issues of follow up. They told me that they couldn't disclose patient information; so I obtained a patient consent form and filled it out and had Dad sign it after we got home. I then returned to Lakeview to give them the consent form; so that they can inform me of further situations.

Happy happy Joy joy.

November 2, 2009

I took Dad to breakfast and to get groceries on Monday. I let Dad know that I will be out of town in Corvalis from Friday through Monday of next week and that I wouldn't be able to get him breakfast on those days. Dad confided in me that his memory loss situation is getting worse. I told him it's a natural part of aging and being honest about it is healthy.

November 4, 2009 (mid-night phone call)

Todd & I received a phone call from Harold at 2:50 this morning. He was sure he had slept for a day and night straight and had missed his doctor's appointment, lunch from Meals on Wheels, etc. He was very upset because this had never happened to him before.

Since the phone's on my side of the bed I talked to him first. I reminded him I'd seen him 8 hours earlier (I said 6 hours but then I was half asleep). He had left his coat and keys in Todd's car after the doctor’s appointment and I dropped them off last night. Todd got on the phone and reminded him about his doctor's appointment, etc. He finally got Harold settled down and convinced he really hadn't slept for 18-24 hours.

Hopefully this isn't the start of a new trend!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Harold seemed to be in a good mood today. I took him to breakfast this morning (Todd was feeling under the weather and I took the day off). We went to McDonalds then I took him to the bank to cash a check.

I asked him about the Condo meeting last night. He said they were going to raise the rates but the meeting wasn't very productive - just a lot of talking back and forth. He told me has was probably going to move in with his daughter, but they just had a flood in their basement so it would be awhile. I didn't know if this was another on his ideas so I changed the subject.

He said he's thinking about asking two ladies out. One is a lady in the complex that gave him a ride home from the Condo meeting Thursday night. The other is the Meals-on-Wheels lady. I told him to go ahead and ask them both out.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I phoned Dad this morning and said I would come around 10 AM, since I was hung over from our family Halloween Party!? Anyway, he was fine with that. He had eaten a little when I arrived and I fixed him the egg mcmuffin that was in the fridge. He told me for a while how lonely he was and he said he was thinking about getting married again, since he had two conversations with two different women this week. We had a pleasant conversation about his future. I shared with him my concerns about him living alone and gave him some information about Assisted Living Facilities that I had learned. My feelings are he doesn't really want another wife with all her family and their issues, but just needs female friends that he can talk to whenever he wants. I told him to leave money out of the equation and that he really doesn't need to worry about money... in the right Assisted Living Facility somewhere between me and Todd, he could choose to have companionship, solitude, activities, no activities, food, outings, his own furniture in his quarters etc. I assured him we would investigate together, but nothing could happen until after Christmas. Selling his condo would be difficult in this economy. We would probably have to replace the carpet and paint the walls. Anyway, today he was completely on board with the idea. We'll see. I took his hands, looked him the eyes and said, "Dad, you need to trust us, we want to find someplace where you feel happy. We will take care of you!"
We mixed it up a little today and went to Tony's Burger and then to Wal Mart to get some groceries. After we came back to the Condo, he remembered he needed some Milk of Magnesia, so I ran over to Dicks and picked some up.

Last night! October 29, 2009

Dad called us last night all upset. He wanted a ride to a Condo meeting. I told him Den and I were just leaving to give a Halloween Party for a Special Needs Mutual and were unavailable. He ranted and complained for awhile. He threatened to go buy a car and if they raised his condo fee, he wants to move in with me. Yikes! We need to talk everyone.

I will back to track next Wendsay

I will start back to schedule next Wendsay, to taking care of Dad. Thanks for the break offered.

Harold called yesterday AM asking me to come Tuesday rather than Wednesday because his watch was not working. I wasn't able to get up to his house until about 10 AM but Todd picked up breakfast at McDonald's and dropped it off to him. We went to WalMart where they put in a new battery but the watch would not respond. Harold bought an identical Timex for $31.98!!! He had another snack at McDonald's then we went back to his house. I tried to clean out the garage but he didn't want to part with anything. If Lena wants to take Wednesday again, I will move back to Thursday.

Thanks!

I want to say Thanks to everyone of you to taking care of Dad in last 2 weeks for us. I am going to back to work tomorrow, Monday. I hope I could "beehive myself" better at the work.

I will try back on the normal schedule of taking care of Dad next week. I would like to still take either Tuesday or Wednesday for Dad. I don't know your guys scheduled. Wednesday would be great for me.

Please let me know .

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I talked to Dad today on the phone and he is doing well. I took Dad around 2-3 times last week for errands and to McDonalds. Dad has given up on buying a new car; but would like me to drive him around as needed under the stipulation that he will drop me a $20 here and there and will agree not buy another car. So, I think we have a win/win until I find more permanent employment. Dad and I had some good talks last week. Sheryl and I also visited Dad Monday and Friday.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Today was a good day for Harold. Todd & I took Harold out to dinner at Zeponie Pizza (in the complex across the street from his condo). He really seemed to enjoy it! He had a big bowl of salad, some breadsticks and two pieces of pizza. They decorated the place using old record album covers (most were movie soundtracks). He really seemed to enjoy looking at them and reminiscing about old movies. He mentioned he and Joan used to go to movies almost every night after they first were married.

I balanced his checkbook and wrote out checks for a couple of bills that were coming up due.

Harold's doctor's appointment is Tuesday, November 3rd (see post from 10-12-09). I think Todd's planning on taking him.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sorry for the delay getting this posted. Todd did update some things as a comment under Kathryn's Tuesday post.

Todd & I took Harold to dinner at IHOP. Harold started immediately in on the car - he wants Todd to take him to buy one. We tried to reason with him with logic (see Todd's comment) but didn't have much success. Harold also said he was tired of paying the condo fees of $140.00 per month. He doesn't have the money and it doesn't pay for anything. I reminded him it paid for lawn care, snow removal, cable TV, etc. We also pointed out that rent on an apartment would be $800-$1,000 a month. The $140 condo fees are a lot less than that.

Harold mentioned moving in with Grant. As Todd asked questions it came up that this was all Harold's idea not Grant's. Harold had offered to pay him the $140 condo fees and what he was paying for utilities as "rent". He said Grant said he's think about it.

I just got off the phone with Brother Brandt Sharp, Counselor in the Bishopric of the Centerville 19th Ward. He offered the resources of the Ward to help with Harold, including picking him up and taking him home from Church. I invited him to read the blog and share any insights from the Ward Family. His phone number is 801-397-1144.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Dad was in an extremely pleasant mood today. At breakfast (McDonald's), he shed a few tears over the loss of Gary and Mom. Me too! No talk of cars or moving. He grumbled about the police officer at Gary's home again. I changed the subject. We did quite a bit of grocery shopping. He enjoyed talking Marian, the cashier at Wal Mart, she has 9 children and 33 grandchildren. He said, he really enjoyed talking to people his age at which time, I mentioned that's why it would be well for you to visit the Assisted Living Facility. No comment from him.
I threw away a half of bottle sour milk in his fridge, but he should be good for a couple of days. He said he is walking to church tomorrow. I reminded him that Gary did drive him last Sunday. He had forgotten. He mentioned he had a doctor's appointment next week with Dr. Hendersen, his Urologist. (and Garys'!)

Oct 11 2009 Gary's last ride for Dad

Sunday morning, Dad called around 8:00am to remind Gary to give him a ride to church. Gary does give him a ride to the church every Sunday.
Since Gary looks like still so drugged I told him I would go take Dad, but my loving husband just wants me stay in bed longer. He feels sorry make me could not sleep well for couple of days.
Gary told me after back home that dad said he really really appreciate if Gary could give him a ride to the church every Sunday, instead of asking somebody from the ward give him a ride.

It was Gary's last drive on this earth --- he gave it to dad.............. and left car door open--battery died... and he is gone...........

Grant's phone call

Uncle Grant called me this morning and said he had a long conversation with dad. He said he was blunt, but kind. He told him he thought it was time to go to an Assisted Living situation because he has Alzheimer's. (I'm not sure he is to the Alzheimer's stage yet, that was Grant's version) He said, your dad is in complete denial. Dad claims his memory is good. Occasionally he forgets a few things. He told Grant he only had one incident with the car and his kids took the car away. Grant said he was very angry at Grant's suggestion and using profanity. Grant told him he is welcome to come to Texas for a visit, but not to stay permanently.
Dad had a good day yesterday with Dennis. I don't know how it's been with Todd and Sheryl this week. I wish we could figure out the best way to help him feel happy AND be safe! Dad's lonely, but doesn't want to be around a lot of people.
Dr. Lym, last we spoke, said he most likely has a bleeding ulcer, not cancer, if he is taking Excedrin everyday.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I called Harold last night to let him know I would be coming today (Wednesday) rather than Lena. It was a very good day on several levels; 1. No mention of buying a car, 2. No mention of moving to San Antonio to live with Grant, 3. We went to Barnes Bank and paid for the Safe Deposit Box, 4. We found the Safe Deposit Keys in a file in the garage (Kathryn now has the extra key), 5. I took the savings checkbook home with me, 6. We had breakfast at Paradise Cafe instead of McDonald's. We will need to make arrangements for Harold to be picked up for Church since Gary was performing that duty. I don't think Harold has been to Church for awhile. He is in the Centerville 19th Ward. I will post a note when I can contact someone. He knows no one will be coming tomorrow.

Updates on Dad's condition

Todd, Sheryl and Mike have all experienced Dad's extreme irrational behavior the past few days, (threats to buy a new car, moving to Texas etc.) possibly brought on by Gary's passing. Den and I called Uncle Grant this morning and asked him if it was true that he wanted Dad to move in with him and he said no! He told Dad he could come visit, but he couldn't be responsible for caring for him. He said, there is no way he should be driving and he also said he was going to call him and tell him he thinks it's time for him to live in an Assisted Living situation. Grant told him that when he was here, but Dad told him he couldn't afford it. We all know he can. I'm concerned that he is going to get someone else to take him car shopping. I think the prices of the cars will give him sticker shock, but the point is, he doesn't have the eye sight or the mental sharpness to be driving. He even yelled at Grant and told him he was going the wrong way on the way to the cemetery.
I spoke with Dr. Lym yesterday. He told me we need to understand that our Dad, as we know him, is already gone. We are dealing with the disease and it's only going to get worse. Agreeing with Dad on everything he says is usually the best way to keep him calm. However, the car thing is a concern. The moving situation in not even a possibility. Dad won't pay for the moving costs or pack himself. Plus, I don't think he could sell his condo right now, unless he gave it away, which is highly unlikely.
Why don't we all look into Assisted Living Pricing and we will compare in a week or so.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I spoke with Jolene, our cousin, this morning to see how her visit with dad went on the 8th, while I was out of town. She told me that when her husband Steve heard her talk about it, he volunteered to take Dad to McDonalds. They had a super visit. Steve enjoyed it so much that he said he wants to do it every morning!! That was very kind of Steve and I am sure Dad loved having a new audience to share his stories.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dad called at 8:00 A.M. telling me he is ready for me to take him to breakfast.

So, Sheryl and I (Sheryl took the day off) talked and we decided to pick up food at McDonalds and took him breakfast at his condo.

Actually the visit went really well. While there, Sheryl spent about 90 minutes reconciling Dad's checkbook. Sheryl has some granular questions for Dennis about autopay--duplications in check numbers. Dad showed us Mom's diary that she wrote at the beginning of their marriage.

Dad has a follow up doctor's appt. on Tuesday, November 3rd at 2:45 P.M. We will handle.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Talked to Dad on the phone this morning and invited him to go to the temple with Sheryl and me. Dad declined; but was hungry; so I took him to McDonalds for breakfast. We went to a different McDonalds to mix things up.

Dad and I talked about mom and he brought me up to speed on the John Goddard story. (I was just curious). He also shared some personal spiritual moments he had earlier in his life.

Dad has expressed some interest in bike riding. He is emphatic that he can. I have mixed feelings. I need to get him a helmet and see if he can still do it. Is there a padded bike trail?Thoughts?

Wednesday 7th Oct 2009

I took Dad for breakfast again this morning. He sounds happy and tell me "I am ready right now" when I called him at 8:20 am. He changed that dirty jacket he had yesterday but the one he is wearing today is still dirty. He said he will wash it.
He also told me that he asked his home teacher out, and she said NO to him in such hurry. Dad said she did not tell him the reason, but he thinks because she thinks he is too old. She is around 50-years-old and never married.

Tuesday 6 Oct 2009

Today is Gary's day but Gary is still drugged by extra pain meds he took last night while I wake up this morning (Gary was so "busy" last night and got the hot bath at 1:00 AM.. to trying find out the way to feel better with his back, poor boy....).

Since he was still snoring when I get up, I decided to take care of dad today, instead of him. As soon as I get in the car at 7:30 am, I called Dad "I will be there in 10 minutes". He said :"I won't be ready within 10 minutes, give me 15 -20". I said fine.

When I arrived the condo I called him "I am here. Just walk out whenever you are ready". He sounds upset at me "I already told you that give me 15-20 minutes!!". I answered: "That's why I am calling you WHENEVER YOU ARE READY! Take your time."

We went to McDonald for breakfast. He does not need anything to buy, then I bought a bag of grapes for him.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sheryl and I caught up with Dad and took him out to dinner tonight. I had a $25 card for Chilis; so we decided to take him there. On the way there, we passed by the Centerville corporate offices where Dad pointed and said, I have a bill to pay; I need to go there.

I reminded him that he and I did that last week. To save face, he backed off and said that he had received another bill even though he was paid up through November as a result of the last visit. So, he's doing better; but is still struggling with his short term memory.

He also told Sheryl and I that he has nearly decided to purchase a new vehicle. Our response was silence (which I think is best when he makes a statement like that.)

We enjoyed Chilis and then took Dad to Walmart to get some headache meds and dogfood for us. Dad is still blown away by Jeffrey R. Holland's talk (as are we).

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sunday, Dad, Todd and Sheryl came for dinner after the last session of Conference. Gary and Lena couldn't come because Gary was recovering from back surgery on Friday. (I hope this surgery works for you Gary!!) I think Dad enjoyed getting out of his neighborhood for a time. He ate like a champ! He asked if he could see his car, but we told him it wasn't here anymore because it was in the process of being sold. (We learned this morning that it sold for $5500.) He said in the spring he is going to buy a scooter or bicycle to get around. He took enough leftovers home to feed himself for dinner on Monday.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

I called Dad Friday afternoon and asked if would be alright if I didn't get there until 10 am Saturday morning, then I would bring him some breakfast in lieu of McDonalds. He was just fine with that option. I made him some homemade Sausage McMuffins and fresh orange juice and wheat bread (to help with his digestive issues a little). He was very pleasant when I arrived. We watched the morning session of Conference together which was amazing, by the way! We sang together and discussed the talks. A few weeks ago, I had found a stack of papers in the closet in his office. It was a journal Mom had kept of the first 18 months of their married life. She often spoke of her sweety Harold. I returned that to dad today and told him to read it. Hopefully, he can focus on that for a while. It was all positive and tender. He told me the cutest story. He said he and mom use to always talk about what they would do when they passed on to next life. Dad said he wants to lead a choir in heaven, and mom wants to do the Can Can dance! OK!
As I was leaving, he did start to rant a little about wanting all his books back that Dennis gave to DI. He asked, "Why would he do that?" I said, "Why else? You told him to." I don't think he believed me. I told him to tell us the books he wants to read, and we will get them for him.
Also, LuAnn came over last night and took Dad to dinner. I thought that was very sweet!

Business items: Sheryl, I put the bills on Dad's desk that Den paid by billpay. Dad gave me the copy title of the car.( without me asking) We have not heard yet if it was sold at the auction.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Dad phoned this morning needing me to take him to Centerville City Hall to pay his utilities bill. He felt that it should be taken care of this a.m. I took him there at 11:15 A.M. and he is now paid up through December. His next bill wasn't due until October 25; but he opted to pay for two months.

Online payment is now available at www.xpressbillpay.com (FYI for Dennis). I took Dad to get some milk. He seemed more "with it" with me today as well.

Sheryl is going to visit Dad tonight to reconcile his checkbook.

Thanks Mike and Kathy for your kind words. Kathy and Dennis, enjoy your vacation.

Today was the best I have seen Harold in two months! He was lucid, clear, happy and his memory was great! He even had his Rx from Dr. Lym in his shirt pocket (this is the one he said he would get on his own about two weeks ago!). We went to Walmart for his usual breakfast and then the Pharmacy. Back at his house we listened to a CD about President David O. Mckay by Truman Madsen. His duplicate car registration has not arrived. Hopefully it will come tomorrow or Saturday so Kathryn can pick it up.

Wendsday 30 Sep 2009

Today is rainny. I took Dad to Mcdonald for breakfast around 8:00 am. He said Gary forgot help him get the medicine yesterday from Dr. Hunderson. The phamany at Walmart does not open utill 9:00 am so we decided to go home first. He wants get the medicine from cross-street-supermarkt (Dick's?) later after 10:00 am. I called him a couple of time to make sure he is not walking out when it's rainning. Finnaly he got it. So no worries! He sounds happy and always is polite to me, so far....

Monday, September 28, 2009

Sorry this is late.

I felt impressed to visit Dad on Sunday afternoon, September 27 just before heading to Sheryl's family for family dinner. He was very lonely today; but I hope I cheered him up. Dad called me hungry Monday morning, so I took him to McDonalds/Walmart. It's his favorite hangout.

Dad doesn't seem to be as negative with me as others; don't know why. I bought dad some packaged sausage McMuffins and told him that if he's ever craving some, he now has options to pop one in the microwave any time.

Dropped by Tuesday to pick up meals on wheels and place in fridge while Gary took him to the doctor.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Showed up at Dad's condo at about 10:00am. While there he showed me some article from the Ensign that, according to him, proved that his wife had been unfaithful to him with the likes of John Goddard and John Harmer. (What no John Wayne?) What a maroon...
Took him to McDonald's / Wal Mart where he ordered 3 Sausage McMuffins today.
He and I bought some item inside Wal Mart. At 11:30am took him to his (and my former) Urologist, Dr. David Henderson. (620 Medical Drive, Suite 300, Bountiful - 801-298-3247 - for further reference). Dr. Henderson basically said that Dad was doing okay and gave him a couple new prescriptions. (I also had a visit with Dr. Henderson since he was the doctor who performer my first 4 cancer surgeries before I transfered to Huntsman).
After the doctor's appointment Dad wanted to go to the bank so I drove him to Zions Bank in Bountiful and then took him home. The Meals-On-Wheels was waiting for him.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Dad called me about 7:15 a.m. He doesn't understand why I can't get there in 10 minutes like Todd and Gary. He said he was going to buy a bicycle or a motor scooter so he doesn't have to wait for us. I said, "OK." I arrived about 8:15 a.m. and we did the usual drill- McDonalds, bought groceries and then back to the Condo, I cleaned up a bit, we read scriptures and then visited for a while. He asked me if he was really sealed to Mom and I said, "of course you are!!" He said, "When can I see her again?" I told him when he passes onto the next life. He said, "Not 'til then, are you sure?" (by the way, last week, he asked me who my mom was in the middle of a conversation about his doctor's appointment. I replied, "It's Joan!" and he said, " Is that my wife?" "Yes, I said.") Some days, I wish Mom could just stop in and pay him a little visit.
I opted not to discuss any of the insurance issues or medical issues. I didn't want to upset him. He was really missing mom today.
One more thing: He said he was going to cancel the Meals on Wheels because they didn't give him enough food!? I hope he doesn't, but it's up to him.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dad called me this morning around 8:30 A.M. hungry so he and I went to McDonalds. We talked about his homeowner's policy and his relationship with State Farm etc. etc. Dad seems to prefer to leave his appt. unlocked when he goes out. So, I just lock the door for him.

He told me he keeps his condo open when he leaves because "he has his reasons." I talked to Dad about someday selling our house; him selling his condo and having him move in with Sheryl and I as one of many options.

We'll see how things develop.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Harold called a little after 7 AM to make sure I was coming today. I told him that I was and that I had made an appointment with his insurance agent at 9:30 to discuss his lapsed homeowner's policy. He went ballistic! He was upset that I would make an appointment for him without his permission. When I got there he had calmed down and I canceled the appointment! I took him to breakfast at Walmart and bought a couple of items for his house. As we continued to discuss the insurance issue he agreed to have me call another agent. Jim Kaertz, a Farmers agent, will visit him today or tomorow and hopefully resolve the issue. We talked about insurance on his car at length and he agreed it was better to just sell the car! We could not find the car title in his office so we went to the DMV and applied for a duplicate title which should be sent to his home within the week. I called Steve Fail (a neighbor who gave us the valuation of the car and a car dealer) to get the logisitics set. Steve will pick up the car with dealer plates (no need to get insurance), detail it then sell it at next week's auction. We can get the signed title to him next week. Hopefully this will be the final resolution to the car issue.
Harold was also mad about the doctor appointments that I had made for his tests. I told him Kathryn had made those appointments (turns out she had asked his permission first) and that he didn't have to go if he didn't want to. I did reaffirm that he is slightly anemic and that it probably is due to a small hemmoraging internally. I Googled "hematocrit" (the test he was 3 points low) and it explained that when the RDW was high and the MCV was normal, it probably meant the patient has an acute bleeding problem. His RDW is high and his MCV is normal so we do need to follow up on this but I did not want to press my luck after getting the two insurance issues resolved. He is not very motivated in part because I think he would really rather be in the next life right now.
We also went to the bank and cashed a check for $125.00.

Wednesday Morning

I took dad went to McDonald this morning. We had a nice talk while we were eating.

I told him that me and my parents bought some new flowers and put them on the mom’s grave last Saturday. he was very happy and asked me “have you ever see my wife before she died?”, I said to him with my BIG SMILE FACE : “If your wife died 2 years ago, then Yes, I did see her before she died because I married to your son over 5 years ” . He started laughing….”That’s right! That’s right!”

He does not need anything to buy at Wal-Mart so we went home.

(Lena wrote this)

Medical and Insurance Update

We received in the mail the results of Harold's bloodtest which has already been discussed. I will take these with me tomorrow to walk him through the numbers.
Second, Toby Gonzalez, Harold's State Farm insurance agent, has agreed to meet with Harold and I in the morning. His homeowner's is out of force again. The last check was received after the deadline so Toby has a refund check with him. Hopefully we can work out coverage, etc. and get the condo covered again. The car situation will be different. Don't know what to expect there but to adequately insure the car against theft, etc. will be a few hundred dollars.
If you have any ideas before we meet tomorrow that would be helpful.

Tuesday, September 22,2009

Picked up Dad and took him to his McDonald's at Wal Mart. Had a nice visit. He was looking forward to the Meals-on-Wheels coming today. He said he didn't need anything else so I took him home. He seemed pretty pleasant today.

Monday, September 21, 2009

I went to visit Dad Monday evening, Sep 21.

...pardon the copy, paste, and reconstruct of this post. Blogger wasn't exactly intuitive about my needing an invite to participate.

I took Dad yesterday to McDonalds (Walmart) to eat as all he had to eat today was a can of peaches. (I expressed our concern about his haphazard eating habits.) The meals on wheels folks didn't show up today; but Dad feels they should show up Tuesday.

Going back to Walmart/McDonalds: We ran into Luann and her son. We also ran into another gentleman from the North Canyon Stake that recognized Dad and struck up a conversation; but Dad didn't remember him.

At Walmart, we got Dad some soup, orange juice, and other needed groceries. I had a talk with Dad about the importance of his doctor's appt. He has agreed to look at that again; I just have to help him get over the Excedrin hurdle.

Dad's problem with the doctor's appt. is he kind of wants to accelerate his own mortality. With more time, I will try and get the doctor's appt. redone. Dad and I had a philosophical discussion about his perception of Mom's premature passing due to eating habits/health issues. Dad feels strongly that mom was culpable of that; and I asked Dad, well, if you're doing the same thing...He then stated that it's o.k. for him as an 84 year old to do that; but not o.k. for mom at 77 to do it.

Once Dad realized he painted himself into a corner, I dropped it. (But, he got the point.) I expressed my concern with him not eating enough and regularly. We'll see how meals on wheels does. Thanks Kathy for setting that up.

Dad and I read from the Ensign for FHE and spent some time together.

Saturday Morning

Called Dad at 7:30am Saturday morning to see if he was ready to go to breakfast. When I picked him shortly thereafter he very excited to tell me of a new' lady' he had just meet (maybe he said 'girl' and my subconscious blocked it out). And the good news, he said, is that she is married and, " she's really nice to me...". (I would think her being married and all would be somewhat of a stumbling block, at least initially). When I ask who this person was he said, he said, "The gal that cleans my house." That would be Paula, I said. (Please refer to Dennis' blog of this same date).

When I drove him to McDonald's in Centerville I tried to explain that Paula is a genuinely nice person and is just trying to be helpful - The kindness of strangers phenomenon (and that she is half his age and is already sealed to her husband).

During the McDonald's / WalWart breakfast I asked Dad about the pending colonoscopy and again he reiterated his position of not willing to go without Excedrin for a week prior to the procedure. As a side, I totally understand Dad's reluctance to stop taking the medicine that seems to be the only thing between him and an out-of-control headache. However, I also understand the physician's request because aspirin thins the blood too much during a medical procedure and makes it harder to control bleeding. (I've had to go without about 20 times since 2005).

When Dad said he would rather skip the colonoscopy than the Excedrin, I asked him if he understood the ramifications of what he was saying - Was he willing to put his life at risk over some pills. He said something to the effect that he was 84 years old and windowed and he was quite ready for the next life. Whether or not he'll remember this conversation, who knows...

He said he didn't need anything else that day. He said he was looking forward to Meals-On-Wheels to start next week. He also said he didn't need a ride to church in the morning because he wasn't going. When I asked him why he told me that he was suppose to speak in Sacrament Meeting and was going to bug-out so he didn't have to.
(That's my Dad...)

Gail The House Cleaner

Just got off the phone with Gail Gottfredson who cleans Harold's house every other week. She said they were talking about some LDS fiction books that he had heard of so she asked if he had a library card because they are available at the Farmington Library. He said no, so she took him to get a library card! She also is going to pick up the book today that he wants and take it to his home. Very nice lady. Harold also like her. She also is concerned that he is not using his cane. I told her we all suggest he use it but he thinks it makes him look older and gets in the way of other people! Maybe she will have more success convincing him than we have.

Doctors Appointment on Monday, Sept. 21

Todd, Dad's doctor's appointment is on Monday at 1:30 for a EGD. The address is 620 East Medical Drive, Bountiful. The phone number is 801-298-0057 This test is to check for a bleeding ulcer. I imagine they will go down through his throat with a mild sedative. Dad is making less sense with each conversation.

Ok, I just checked my e-mail and dad wouldn't allow the doctor's office to schedule the appointment because it meant going off of his Excedrin. (which by the way, he told us he wasn't taking any medication except his eye drops). I forwarded the e-mail onto you, Todd. I responded to the e-mail by telling them, we would call on Monday and reschedule. Would you mind doing that Todd? I couldn't set up the procedure because I didn't have his policy number etc.

September 18, 2009

Harold called twice last night. First time he said he had good and bad news. He told us about Dennis and Kathryn going to St. George for Thanksgiving. The story wasn't clear and we just said we'd discuss Thanksgiving plans later. Dennis called later and confirmed they are going to St. George and had invited Harold to go with them. Second call came at 10:00 pm. He wanted to get a copy of the pamphlet "Especially for Youth" for his talk in Sacrament meeting in a few weeks

Todd visited with Harold this afternoon. Todd got the pamphlet he wanted. He said his dad seemed really out of it today. He thought yesterday was Friday. He accused Todd of causing problems by saying Harold had issues with Dennis.

Harold woke up this morning (about 2:00 a.m.) with severe chest pains. Todd asked if he thought it was a heart attack. Harold said no, but he thought it might have been a stroke. Todd asked if he wanted to go to the doctor. Harold said no, he was fine now so Todd didn't press the issue. Todd will be calling this information to Dennis and Kathryn to see if it needs to be passed on to Dr. Lym (blood results received this morning).

Results of Blood Tests

Dr. Lym called us this morning to give us the results of Harold's blood tests last week. The only concern was that he has a mild case of anemia - about three points low. Dr. Lym suggested a couple of possible reasons; 1. A small bleeding ulcer in his stomach or 2. colon cancer. There are other possible reasons he said but these are the most likely. Kathryn will talk to Harold and set up appointments for an EGD (stomach scope) and a colonoscopy. Does anyone know if he has had a colonoscopy in the last five years? Hopefully he will remember if he has.

One More Item

Harold has been asked to speak in Church on September 27th! The topic is preparing to hear General Conference.

September 17, 2009

Harold wanted to go to his usual breakfast eatery so we went to Walmart. As we drove up Main Street I asked him if he had voted in the recent municipal elections? He said he wasn't registered to vote since he moved to Centerville. After breakfast, we went to the Davis County Court House and registered him! He should get a post card in the mail in the next couple of weeks to verify that he is indeed registered. We talked about his mission to New England, where he would want to travel (Denmark on a cruise!) and the possibility of flying to Texas to see his brothers. He said he didn't have enough money to do any of these! I told him he did! On the way home from the Court House he told me I was going the wrong way home (we were on Main Street which runs right by his house) so I just changed the subject. I reminded him that had an appointment at 12:30 with Jennifer Bryson with Meals on Wheels. I called after the appointment and everything is all set up to start receiving meals next week. Jennifer said she would call to set up an account to pay for the meals so Harold doesn't have to worry about it.

September 16- Wednesday

Lena and I are switching days this week so she can be with Gary today. When I arrived there about 9 am Dad had already eaten a bowl of cereal because he thought Lena had forgotten to come. I brought him some Oreo chocolate marshmallow peanut butter cookies! (that's a mouthful!) He popped those right in his mouth. Good sign! He talked about the pictures of mom at Fish Lake again. I cleaned up a little, threw away the Christmas tree in the office. We read scriptures for about an hour. I talked to him about taking a trip to see his brother, Grant. He said he is his closest friend, but he doesn't have any money to go see him. I assured him, he did. I talked to him about the meals on wheels, which he was fine with because he had used that program with his own mother. I talked to them this afternoon and they said they could start next Tuesday, September 22nd. It's only $3.00 donation per meal. They bring in one large nutritious balanced meal between 11:30 and 1:30 each day Monday through Friday. So, Dad could probably get lunch and dinner out it, if he is willing to reheat it in the microwave. They are going to his condo tomorrow at 12:30 to discuss with him his health issues and likes and dislikes with food. They already deliver to two other condos in his Complex.
This time I remembered to bring him his white shirts, however, I did notice he had other white shirts in his closet. I asked him why he didn't wear one of those on Sunday and he said they were dirty. Then I asked why didn't you let Dennis take them to the cleaners and he said they weren't dirty on Thursday!? But three days later they were too dirty to wear?
Dad is excited about going to the temple on Friday evening with his friend in the ward. Sunday evening, someone is picking him up to go to a Study Class. His spirits were fairly happy today. He appreciated the food from Sheryl!

September 15, 2009 - Car Insurance

I forgot to mention this in the previous blog. I found the car insurance policy notice last week. It expired in August. I called the agent (Toby Gonzales) on Monday. He suggested we keep comprehensive coverage only on the car (especially if it's outside). This would be about $67.00 every six months. The problem is the agent cannot change coverage because the policy has lapsed. If we make 1/2 of the six month payment the policy can be reactivated and changed. They will send a refund check for the difference.

I talked to Harold about this and he refused to sign the check. He's ok having no coverage on the car. I'm fine with whatever everyone decides to do.

September 15, 2009

I made a tomato based hamburger/vegetable soup for dinner. Harold had 1 1\2 big bowls of it. We left what was left - he should be able to get 1 to 2 more meals out of it. I also brought him a small loaf of zucchini bread. I brought one last Monday that he seemed to enjoy.

Todd ran to Dick's Market and got 2 half gallons of milk. All his milk was old - he did have one dated 9/13/09 which he drank with dinner. I went through the fridge and threw out a few things that were growing mold.

Harold seemed to be in good spirits last night. Todd told his dad he needed to start considering the fact that he might one day need to go into a nursing home. This did NOT go over well. Todd stressed that this wasn't go to happen soon, but it might become a reality in the future.

September 14, 2009

Because I have medical procedures on Tuesday and Wednesday I traded Todd for this week. I pick up Dad at around 8:30 am. We looked at some pictures and he started to complain that his wife (I believe her name was Joan…) never liked to go fishing at Fish Lake (catchy name) with him. I told him that some people just don’t like to fish…

With that problem resolved I drove him to his favorite dining establishment, McDonald’s at WalMart. He was kind enough to give me directions to this particular WalMart (the one I’ve been coming to since it opened in 2003) ;o)

He ordered his usual 2 Sausage McMuffins and water. I asked him if he needed any groceries while we were here. He indicated he just needed one thing: a gallon of Sunny Delight (orange-colored liquid). I took him home and he seemed happy as a clam. I told him Todd and/or Sheryl would over on Tuesday evening.

September 13- Sunday

Today Dad was pretty upset with me. I forgot to give him his shirts that we picked up from the dry cleaners. I left them in my car when I took him into the house. He called my home looking for me and I wasn't home until late that night. I didn't listen to my messages until after church the next day, by then he had called three times each time yelling a little louder. He said he didn't go to church because of me. Dennis said there were other white shirts in his closet when he was there on Thursday. I apologized and told him I would bring the shirts to him during the week when I visit him next. Whew.

September 12- Saturday

I picked up Dad around 9:15 am for breakfast at McDonald's. He didn't need any groceries. He wanted a hair cut at his favorite barber shop which he was able to direct me. (it's located in the Super Target parking lot) off of Parrish Lane. After the hair cut we picked up his dry cleaning at Bountiful Family Cleaners on 500 West and around 300 South. I needed to pick up a few items at Costco, so he and I went together. (ironically, we ran into Gary!) He loves pushing the grocery cart around. After, we walked around the parking lot for about 10 minutes looking for my car, since I forgot where I parked!! My dementia was in rare form today!? I was a little rushed for time since I had to be to Tara's in Riverton by 1pm, so I didn't get a chance to wash the dishes or anything. I put a few photos around I found in his closet that I framed. I talked to him about Meals on Wheels. He said he would be fine with it if he didn't have to pay. He was in an extremely happy mood today. He was pretty tired when we arrived home. I asked him about the prescription Dr. Lym gave him for constipation and said he would get it later, so Todd or Sheryl, maybe on Monday. Apparently, it's something he can buy over the counter. The doctor wrote it up as a prescription so perhaps his insurance would cover it for him, but I think he would prefer buying it over the counter.

September 11, 2009

Todd & I visited Harold tonight. Took him to dinner (McDonald's at WalMart). He needed a few items (Milk of Magnesia, etc). I wrote out checks for his outstanding utilities and Amex bill and updated the checkbook. I have the car insurance policy statement. Do we need to contact the agent and cancel the policy? Harold said he didn't have any prescriptions to fill (see Dennis' post from yesterday) and that he didn't need cash. I put the items from the dish drain in the dishwasher and started it for him.

Todd asked if anyone was visiting him. He said "no" but then remembered Dennis took him to the doctor yesterday. He's upset Dennis is "pushing him" about everything. When Todd asked for specifics he couldn't come up with anything but the Senior Center activities.

Todd & I have talked about looking into Meals on Wheels or something similiar. We worry about his eating habits. Maybe they could bring in a late lunch/early dinner on some days. This could add some varity to his McDonald's favorites and help with getting some more nuturious meals.